My Experience With Cancer.
Ten years ago I heard those words no one wants to hear "it's cancer." I remember it like it was yesterday. I had been to the doctor cause I wasn't feeling good and something told me I needed to be checked out. I'm not a doctor person at all. I don't even take aspirin for a headache. I try to fix everything from within. I know that sounds crazy but we are what we think. So I tell myself you don't have a headache because you don't invite that into your life. Meditate about it and it goes away in no time at all. That's what works for me no judgement to those of you who swallow a pill to feel better. Whatever works for you is awesome.
The doctor called and ask us to come in to talk about the test results. They also told me to bring a support person. I pretty much knew the news wouldn't be good when they told me I needed a "support person" to come with me. Ken and I went and he told us the news. Ken grabbed my hand and I sat stunned. I was young and never thought that was going to be the news. Ken asked a few questions and they told me I needed to schedule my surgery for the following week. Looking back that was a good thing cause I didn't have much time to get upset or worried about the surgery. We left and Ken asked if I wanted to go get a drink at Applebees and talk. I agreed, which was strange because I have never been a big drinker. I think I just wasn't ready to go home and see the kids and my mom. Mom had stayed with the kids while we went to the appointment. I knew the second I saw my mom she would know something was wrong (and she did). I remember being worried about her driving home because she had a half hour drive. She did her best to not get too upset in front of me. But I know my mom and I'm sure she cried all the way home.
That night I sat on the edge of Kyle's bed for what seemed like forever and I held Ashley in my arms long after she had fell asleep. Stephanie was at her moms house so Ken called and talked to Kelly and told her what was going on. My mind raced with thoughts. What if Ken has to raise these kids on his own? What if I can't see the girls walk down the aisle on their wedding day or never get to meet Kyle's wife? I thought of never meeting my grandchildren. My parents had already lost one child and I knew they couldn't bare loosing another. I just couldn't do that to them.
I wrote each one of the kids a letter before I went into surgery, just in case something went wrong. On December 23rd, 6 days after we had gotten the news, I was on my way to the hospital for surgery. I was someone who had never been in the hospital, never broke a bone, never had stitches except for childbirth. I was not looking forward to it and prayed a lot that morning. In my head I heard who I believe was my grandma Claudette say, you will be fine now stop worrying. I heard this as plain as if she were sitting beside me. Surgery went well and I got to go home. I was so happy to see the kids walk in the door. Kelly brought Stephanie over to spend the night too. I felt rough that night but was glad Ken took the next day off work to help me out. Which was almost inpossible for him because he is a retail manager and it was two days before Christmas.
The worse part was waiting to hear if they got all the cancer. They felt confident after surgery that it had been successful but made no guarantee. I made the most of Christmas that year and remember feeling very blessed and grateful for every little thing. January brought a whole new appreciation and caring for life. I still feel that way today. I refused to just go through life, I want to live it to the fullest. I made a choice that year to embrace whatever came into my life. I said thank you for giving me this experience with cancer. I learned that things we fight make us weaker and that which we embrace, strengthens us. I am grateful that I had the experience I did. It changed who I am for the better.
I was one of the lucky ones. I didn't need chemo or radiation. They got everything in one surgery. At that time, I didn't even know that was possible. I would get to grow old with Ken, get to see the kids grow up, get to watch nephews and nieces get married and have children, get to watch my brother get married to his high school sweetheart, get to see my sister in law and husband have a wonderful life together and get to share our lives with our parents and that's all I could ask for.
Thank you Lord for giving me a chance to live my life. I wont waste one minute of it.
The doctor called and ask us to come in to talk about the test results. They also told me to bring a support person. I pretty much knew the news wouldn't be good when they told me I needed a "support person" to come with me. Ken and I went and he told us the news. Ken grabbed my hand and I sat stunned. I was young and never thought that was going to be the news. Ken asked a few questions and they told me I needed to schedule my surgery for the following week. Looking back that was a good thing cause I didn't have much time to get upset or worried about the surgery. We left and Ken asked if I wanted to go get a drink at Applebees and talk. I agreed, which was strange because I have never been a big drinker. I think I just wasn't ready to go home and see the kids and my mom. Mom had stayed with the kids while we went to the appointment. I knew the second I saw my mom she would know something was wrong (and she did). I remember being worried about her driving home because she had a half hour drive. She did her best to not get too upset in front of me. But I know my mom and I'm sure she cried all the way home.
That night I sat on the edge of Kyle's bed for what seemed like forever and I held Ashley in my arms long after she had fell asleep. Stephanie was at her moms house so Ken called and talked to Kelly and told her what was going on. My mind raced with thoughts. What if Ken has to raise these kids on his own? What if I can't see the girls walk down the aisle on their wedding day or never get to meet Kyle's wife? I thought of never meeting my grandchildren. My parents had already lost one child and I knew they couldn't bare loosing another. I just couldn't do that to them.
I wrote each one of the kids a letter before I went into surgery, just in case something went wrong. On December 23rd, 6 days after we had gotten the news, I was on my way to the hospital for surgery. I was someone who had never been in the hospital, never broke a bone, never had stitches except for childbirth. I was not looking forward to it and prayed a lot that morning. In my head I heard who I believe was my grandma Claudette say, you will be fine now stop worrying. I heard this as plain as if she were sitting beside me. Surgery went well and I got to go home. I was so happy to see the kids walk in the door. Kelly brought Stephanie over to spend the night too. I felt rough that night but was glad Ken took the next day off work to help me out. Which was almost inpossible for him because he is a retail manager and it was two days before Christmas.
The worse part was waiting to hear if they got all the cancer. They felt confident after surgery that it had been successful but made no guarantee. I made the most of Christmas that year and remember feeling very blessed and grateful for every little thing. January brought a whole new appreciation and caring for life. I still feel that way today. I refused to just go through life, I want to live it to the fullest. I made a choice that year to embrace whatever came into my life. I said thank you for giving me this experience with cancer. I learned that things we fight make us weaker and that which we embrace, strengthens us. I am grateful that I had the experience I did. It changed who I am for the better.
I was one of the lucky ones. I didn't need chemo or radiation. They got everything in one surgery. At that time, I didn't even know that was possible. I would get to grow old with Ken, get to see the kids grow up, get to watch nephews and nieces get married and have children, get to watch my brother get married to his high school sweetheart, get to see my sister in law and husband have a wonderful life together and get to share our lives with our parents and that's all I could ask for.
Thank you Lord for giving me a chance to live my life. I wont waste one minute of it.
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